Payne killer

From the letters page, Walsall edition of the Express & Star, Monday, 7th March 2011. Click on the image for a more readable version.

I see Ian Payne has crawled out of the darkness to issue judgment once more, yet again bombarding the press with his latest fatwa. It seems that our erstwhile Richard Littlecock is now qualified to judge the mental health of a studio audience, as well as possibly that of an entire city. Fear not, though, gentle readers; Doctor Payne has the solution. A dose of Kelvin MacKenzie.

Since students of the oeuvre will remember Ian protesting vehemently for several years about relinquishing his Labour Party membership card, so this sudden fanboy confession of love for Thatchers enfant terrible will come as somewhat of a surprise. One can only assume that Ian’s been on the cooking sherry. I’m just unsure at the moment whether it would be considered unsporting to inform the former editor, or more entertaining to let love run its natural course. I suspect the latter.

That sherry must posses magical powers, as it does seem that it enables our protagonist to hear the voices of the silent and also count a show of hands in a radio audience. Although drink has occasionally had this effect on me, often in the daytime in local hostelries, the effect has never been so lucid as to prompt me to inform the media.

I’m looking forward to common sense transplants becoming available on the NHS myself. Since Ian is clearly the first surviving donor, the solution can now not be far behind. We may, however, have some difficulty applying the treatment, as the NHS would be one of those awful, loony-left products of Labour governments since the war. I trust that  the very next time Mr. Payne requires the services of his GP, the social state or the attention of his MP, he will abstain on the basis that all these things are left wing fripperies we’d all be better without.

I’ve not had this post cleared by my wife, Ian Payne’s wife or Kelvin MacKenzie, as is my right. What on earth would Richard Wattis think?

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6 Responses to Payne killer

  1. IAN PAYNE says:

    Paul and the Local history Centre above are jewels in the crown of Walsall Bob and your praise of them is well deserved. Good photo by Stuart.

    Paul was extremely helpful to me when I donated my book to Local History Centre on Richard Wattis.

    Thanks for showing my letter Bob – I will add it to my letters scrap-book, saves me going to library and finding it out.

    Yes I thought it was good too and the part of my life which I wasted on left wing ideals is a part of my life I’d sooner forget and is much regreted actually. My letter to the newspapers was cleared by my wife, but yet to hear from Kelvin and Littlejohn !!!

    It was in The Chronicle too – if you don’t already know Bob.

    Your section on local history is fascinating and well organised Bob – congratulations !! I have a freiend who thinks your mapping pages are legendary.

    Where would we be without free speech one and all. Ever thought of starting a blogging site for freedom fighters of Libya, Tunisia and Egypt Bob ?

  2. Ah, Ian, wondered when you’d drift in.

    Cutting out the bullshit, I really don’t think a man that bullied a fellow blogger in the manner you did is in any position whatsoever to talk about freedom of speech. Your attack on Political Penguin was nasty, unedifying and he is deserving of an apology.

    Your last comment here was demanding the removal of a post you didn’t like because, apparently, ‘it was your right’. That post is still there because I’m not about to be bullied into conceding my freedom to satisfy anyone’s vanity, least of all one who prides himself on his prejudice toward my fellow citizens and townspeople of Walsall.

    If you’d like to drop the oleaginous approach and debate matters properly, there are plenty of folk here in the online community within Walsall who will take you up on the offer of a serious discussion.

    Affairs in the Middle East are best left to those who understand the politics and language. I’m far more equipped to deal with matters closer to home. After all, prejudice and abusive diatribe are corrosive social factors in any society. We must always be vigilant toward those who would spread hatred.

    By the way, I think your ‘1’ key is broken. I’d get that keyboard checked if I were you.


  3. IAN PAYNE says:

    I think you are wrong about the ‘1’ key Bob but thanks for comment !!

    Oh the ‘oleaginous approach’ – is that fourth down from the angle of petrusion leading from [some say to] the Quantum pause of the factor of 8 leading to the sanctum of the quadrangles ?

  4. eye pain says:

    I don’t like it when people pretend to be some one else.

  5. martin says:

    I feel the silent majority think Kelvin McKenzie is a dickhead.
    Does my feeling cancel out Ian’s?
    What does his wife think?

  6. IAN PAYNE says:

    My wife agrees with me 100% Martin, she too doesn’t agree with the Birmingham audience on Radio 4’s AQ, who stated it was correct to give paedophiles and sex offenders rights, or even human rights.

    The silent majority were with Kelvin I feel on that one – and with me of course.

    Funnily enough I don’t like people who pretend to be someone else either. Yet what has that got to do with my theorum of the ‘oleaginous approach’ ?

    Oooooooooooh Matron !!!

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