Hey! Malpas! It’s not big, and it’s not clever…

Hey, I was a teenager in the 1980’s. I grew up within a culture that recognised and appreciated street art. I Think Banksy is a genius, and Goldie wasn’t half bad, either. Chu is a local treasure. There’s just something going on around Brownhills at the moment and it’s really, really beginning to irritate me. There’s clearly been a resurgence in tagging, and there seems to be a bit of a battle going on between the yoots of Brownhills and Walsall Wood, which appears to delimit at Clayhanger Bridge. There’s one particular tagger, signing himself ‘Malpas’ who seems to think that quantity makes up for a complete lack of any creative urge whatsoever. What really annoys me is that nobody would choose the nickname ‘Malpas’, it has to be a given name – so he’s not even intelligent enough to mask his identity. He often appears with a mate, ‘Mitch’, who seems to be even more devoid of calligraphic talent.

There’s no street art to this, it’s just testosterone-driven territorial urination. At least the old timers used to do art. Anyone remember the weetabix characters on the back of the garages at the top of the parade?

My request to ‘Malpas’ is a simple one: cut it out. I’m sure you’re a big man and everything, but why not direct your energies into creating something to earn yourself some respect rather than vandalising the fabric of Brownhills with your scrawl? I, like many other residents, couldn’t give a toss how hard you are, how much respec’ yo got, or how big your digit is; as long as you keep desecrating our environment – however unlovely it is – I’ll continue to think of you as being a complete wanker, OK?


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  • George Roper

    Jeff Malpas, the Australian philosopher, argues for an ‘externalist’ conception of self and mind, according to which human lives are indissolubly linked to the places in which those lives are lived.
    In other words, scrotes with s*** for brains feel more comfortable by making the surroundings where they live look like s***.

    • Ummm… you wouldn’t be *the* George Roper, would you? Of ‘Ugly Walsall’ fame? We thought you was dead!

  • George Roper

    You’ve got it! (I think the Stymaster wasn’t too sure though).

    Good job you’re doing here. I intend making sure it keeps up to the required standard 😉

    Seriously, it’s more than good, more like excellent.
    Except for the bike rides and they just make me green with envy.

    • Rumors of your death were much exaggerated, I believe.

  • Thanks for your kind words – praise, indeed. I honestly thought you’d gone AWOL.

    If there’s anything you’d like me to cover, get off your chest or whatever, brownhillsbob at googlemail dot com – you’re always welcome.

    I have to do the bike rides. They’re my natural antidepressant and stop me turning into a total porkster.

    Best wishes


  • dinkey

    Oh, a Brownhills vandal with intellectual aspirations. Where exactly does Malpas hang out? I could empathise. I could show him that his little problem doesn’t have to be a little problem.


  • Dan Slee

    Hello Bob,

    You are absolutely right. Graffiti like this isn’t art. It’s just really, really annoying and can drag down an area as a place to live.

    That’s why we’ve started a year long drive against environmental crime – that’s things like fly-tipping, graffiti and dog fouling.

    (If you missed it, here’s a link to the BBC Midlands Today item on the subject: bit.ly/2qwQak)

    Thanks for flagging this up as a problem.

    Do you have a list of locations where this has happened? I’d gladly put this through to the crack Street Pride lot.

    My email is sleed@walsall.gov.uk.

    The hotline to report problems is 01922 653344.

    Dan Slee

    Walsall Council press office

  • George Roper

    Wow, things must have really changed at cash-strapped Walsall Council since the Ugly Walsall days.

    Well done Dan. Good to see you’re keeping an eye on what the hoi poloi have to say and also good to see you can do something about it.

    It may take longer than a year to stamp this sort of thing out though so please don’t drop the initiative after twelve months.

  • Dan Slee

    Thanks George.

    It’s good, heartening and encouraging that there are good people like yourself who care about Walsall and are bothered about graffiti.

    It’s not big. It’s not clever, Bob is right.

    Yes, it would be good to think we could stop targetting graffiti after this 12 month initiative but I’m sure we will still be on their case afterwards.

    What this initiative is good for is concentrating minds.

    The £1.8m bill for all this shows why we can’t afford not to take it seriously.

  • lol

    lol i aint been funny but u are dead he is one of the hardest in brownhills so m8 basicly u r dead.im gonna show him this so bye bye see u in hell buddie:P:hahaha

    • James

      I’m guessing ‘been’ = ‘being’, otherwise this means something else entirely. M8.

  • kategoodall

    Lynne Truss would be apoplectic if she read the last comment.

    • She’d be apoplectic if she read my blog full stop. If you se what I mean.

      I’ll get my coat.


    • Provided she *could* read it.

      • Gah. That didn’t work well. Provided she could read the txt spk comment, not the blog…

  • ;)

    Hahaaa Yourrr Tooo Sad To Be Honest Goin Round Takin Pictures Of This If Anythin Your The Wanker 😉

  1. Build it up, tear it down « BrownhillsBob's Brownhills Blog  September 4, 2009

    […] I photographed still remains two months later. Malpas and his mates still seem to be busy, and if his appointments secretary is reading this please tell your owner that I may be sad, but at least I’m not reduced to writing my name on […]

  2. Am I missing something here? « BrownhillsBob's Brownhills Blog  December 1, 2009

    […] taking court action if need be? Brownhills’ showpiece pedestrian bridge remains plastered in the ugly scrawl of Malpas and his mates, because it’s apparently the responsibility of British Waterways to remove it – this […]

  3. Are you happy now? « BrownhillsBob's Brownhills Blog  January 30, 2010

    […] by a vivid, migraine inducing yellow that seems sure to form a delightful blank canvas to the less creative numpties that seem to continue daubing the town […]

  4. It’s been a funny old year « BrownhillsBob's Brownhills Blog  May 12, 2010

    […] coppers ain’t what they used to be. I personally have learned that illegal scramblers and graffiti kids are thicker than you’d ever […]

  5. Now, where did they get that from… « BrownhillsBob's Brownhills Blog  November 18, 2010

    […] rightly having a whinge about the cost of graffiti vandalism, something I’ve had occasion to moan about myself. Fair enough, move along, nothing to see […]


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